Suicide is Painless

In elementary school, we had music class with Mrs. Murdock.  She handed out sheets of lyrics and would sit at the piano and play.  We would sing.  I don’t remember playing any instruments or anything other than us singing with her accompaniment.  I do, however, remember all the songs.

Most were standard songs from the 1960s and 1970s, often with the lyrics scrubbed clean.  Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine we always had a mighty fine time.   Like that.  But one day we received a sheet of paper with the following lyrics.  Remember, this is elementary school, and Mrs. Murdock left when I was in fourth or fifth grade, so I was 9 at most.

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see…

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make
All our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate
But now I know that it’s too late, and…

The game of life is hard to play
I’m gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I’ll someday lay
So this is all I have to say.

The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I’m beat
And to another give my seat
For that’s the only painless feat.

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn’t hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger…watch it grin, but…

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied ‘oh why ask me?’

‘Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
And you can do the same thing if you please.

Of course, it was the theme song to MASH, written by Robert Altman’s 14 year old son, Mike (with Johnny Mandel) and it hit number one on the UK charts in 1980.  The story goes that Robert Altman was paid $70,000 for directing MASH, but his son made $1 million from the song.  Here’s a cover by Lady & Bird which I think captures the hauntedness and the beauty of the original lovingly.

Just for fun, here’s the other song I remember from that year.  (Mrs. Murdock also introduced me to One Tin Soldier, which still is one of my favorite songs. The version by Coven, below, is by far the best.)  Ballad of the Green Berets hit number one for five weeks in a row in 1966.

Back at home, a young wife waits
Her green beret has met his fate
He has died for those oppressed
Leaving her this last request:

Put silver wings on my son’s chest
Make him one of America’s best
He’ll be a man they’ll test one day
Have him win the green beret.

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